well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
