I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
