I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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