a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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