turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
