you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize