Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
