The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
