I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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