I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize