but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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