You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
