OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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