Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize