My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
