I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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