First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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