Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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