somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
