just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
