you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
