she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
