i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found puke in my bra..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
