PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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