They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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