i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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