Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
