her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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