whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
whose ass print is on the piano?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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