You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
