Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
