Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
