wrigley field is MILF paradise
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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