just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
high people should be assigned attendants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
