Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
