I got chris browned last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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