i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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