No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
