I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
