The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
