the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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