You just made me feel so damn special
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
