Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
