i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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