i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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