i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize