Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
