Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I could fuck to npr.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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