Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
