I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
