wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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