"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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