My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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