I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
