put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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