the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
