I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
