I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
