I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
