Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
