By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
