On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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