Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this just has baby written all over it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
