I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
