So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
