Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
