I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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