i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
