I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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