Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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