i permit you to call me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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